WHY WE SHOULDN’T BLAME ONLY OURSELVES FOR NOT REACHING OUR GOALS
Because is a simple fact that we all depend on each other for the better or worse.
If you an artist that don’t play by the book, or you a nerd that live/adores the book, at the end of the line, you’re waiting for someone else to validate, to like, to buy, what you’ve have produced and shared with world, therefore produce an income and live by or have a luxury life.
Unless you’ve a very wealthy heir or heiress, of course! Even then, you’ll might seek out for an approval.
So that’s why I’m writing this here at the Medium because reading some well intention (I decided to believe so) about the “blame yourself if you’re life is sucks” and “your negatives thoughts are like flies around the bull” (we are the bull) had good intentions, but we “know” that good intentions is a path to hell! So…
Anyone can read and check out the article written to The New York Times by Chris Blodgett has said:
“Three- or 4-year-old children who have been exposed to trauma are at much greater risk of lacking the biological foundations or the behavior skills that will allow them to succeed in school and in life. The trauma keeps stealing their opportunities moment by moment and day by day.
This is so much deeper than the easy self-help books and people writing here and there about, “get your shit together and go see a therapist”!
How can we judge each other, really? When we should know that some psychological traumas are so deep that not only we refuse to see those problems has a problem, but part of our characters, our personality.
And how many years and sometimes we won’t be able to change ourselves. Period.
We should be careful writing this “blame yourself for this or that”, because I don’t believe that self-blaming is not helping anyone either.
This brings me to other point much more delicate. I don’t think that is a coincidence that all self-help writers are white. Women or men.
Being white myself, but (there’s always a but) living in Paris for the last 9 years, I know not as much, but I had feel in on skin what discrimination is. How it does harm your goals. How black and Arabs, overweighed French citizens don’t even get the chance to have shitty jobs like I’ve had. Or foreigners doctors, surgeons, lawyers, journalists don’t have the same wages of their peers or are not working on their field.
How many African Americans have been dying by the police before reaching an age to be an adult, than read our books and essays about: you should work hard, because it depends ONLY of your hard working to have the life of your dream of!
Yeah, these people who writes thinks like that and coincidentally are white, “forgets” to say if you are black you “just” need to work twice sometimes three times more to be an actor/actresses, a doctor, (you know working during the day and going to school at night) and being the best lawyer to be able to be part of the big firms, full of white people!
These people “blame yourself about you own shitty life” forgets that an Asian that dreams of being an actor is even more difficult and type casted than a black fellow!
Ask for the Native Americans about their choices of being doctors, lawyers, or an actress! How many have we seen on the TV series or features films? Don’t, please, don’t even saying playing only Native American roles…
Please, tell this to the families been sending back to Mexico after years living their dreams in USA! That their problems are only like flies around the bull head…with persistence they will be happy in Mexico…
Here, in France, it’s aloud to put a picture of you on your CV. Many co-workers along the years I have had told me that they didn’t put their pictures on their CVs. They were black. It’s well known here, that your CV is discriminate by your ZIP CODE. An Arab surname or first name. And we are the ones who take advantages of the welfare!
So if someone wants to tell me about exceptions on this white-male world, and make some money or have thousands of followers on their blog or other thing, well do whatever that pleases you.
The USA is facing an opioid crisis right now. Let’s talk about part of this problem which are those who were caught in an addiction after having an operation=painkillers=feeling well. No, they developed an addiction that has ruing their lives.
A mother fled Jamaica with her son (she tried to stop complaining about her life in Jamaica) and her son was shot at the back, by a police officer in USA.
I don’t agree with the axiom: the world doesn’t owe a thing.
What the fuck that supposes to mean? What is the world? The planet and the nature itself? Yeah…I figured that I giraffe won’t feed me!
The world is our societies? Well, then, the whole axiom is a to comfort somebody that want what the fact of living is society gives him or her but don’t want to care and give back to the society.
We live in societies to protect ourselves from invaders, wild animals back then in the cave time!
Exchanging goods and again help each other in case of?? Invasion.
I owe to my fellow citizen, neighbor, those who works at the supermarket, at the drugstore, my doctor, the people at the bakery store, those who works enabling me to have tap water, electricity, roads, schools , teachers, those who pick up my trash, who enables me to use a public service bike : respect, a chance to live a decent life, for all of them to have a REAL justice in front of a judge, with a real lawyer that is interested to save him or her, White, Black, Latino, Native American not going to the prison, to not be shot by the police because of the color of her or his skin, a proper education, equality in genders, transgender, with a handicap, to serve at the military and not being rape, freedom of religion, to marry to whom he or she wants to.
We owe to every single prisoner should not die after a week without water. Not getting wrap up in gangs and drug-related-imprisonment and crimes.
And likewise all of them owe me the same thing. We protect each other, not because we are “good”, from this or that religion, this gender or that politic party, because is common sense. Because we all different and we need to find out a pacific way to live our lives by allowing others to live theirs in peace, equality, respect. To get there we need to get our personal problems together, because the world/society doesn’t deserve and it is not just, to pay for our personal frustrations.
I asked myself like many of you I guess, how come someone wants and kill dozens of other people?
I asked myself as well, how we the world, the society could have helped that person.
Don’t we call somebody “crazy” when they sick for a therapist? Don’t some of us are bullies and define to others whom are loser or not?
Don’t love films with guys most of time with guns and violence?
What I think for myself and I sharing this here not because I know more than anyone else but it might suit to someone: I do my best, being resilient on doing that, I do have some issues to work on, I have some limitations, because of the traumas and abuses that I suffered when I was a child and growing up, but the world and the xenophobes, misogynists, haters, is a fact. They won’t have what they want from me: despair, depression and why not, a suicide. I won’t give them this pleasure. Not doing any despair thing to end up at the prison, where my enemies (a xenophobe for me is an enemy) will be glad to see me. At the least I not have the problems of being a racist, xenophobe, misogynist, homophobic, a bigot, or an ableist to work on!
Like is written on the feminist web site for women with a handicaphttps://wearyourvoicemag.com/identities/ableism/5-phrases-actually-ableist:
With everything we face, with all of the unknowns, with ableism permeating everything around us, we have a damn good reason to be upset, angry, cranky, and, yes — negative.